Sunday, May 17, 2009

briit the taciturn?

i grew up with a lot of different personalities.
that i never really found mine.
so i didn't know wtf to be.

i learned and observed from the people around me.
and didn't like what i saw

so i tried to be the opposite of it.
instead i became quite the TACITURN

as soon as i saw the word i identified with it.
like whoa.
that's me

my issue is my wall

i have a great big wall that never breaks down untill im tipsy or around my family.
when im around people i don't know i immediately worry about what to say. then i think to myself why am i worring about these people and by the time i figure whether to speak or sit and look purdy the moment is gone and my personality is overlookd and i look like a tight lipped asshole.

i dont either don't think before i speak
and look completely like an asshole.

or i over think what im about to say
and look completely like an asshole.

but im actually a pretty goofy and cool person to be around. once my wall is down and i learn to be comfortable around new situations. i have too many personalities! at first i thought it was the Gemini in me. then i thought of being crazy. but analyzing it more i found it's just me altogether. i can be bashful. i can be talkative. i can be cheesy at times. i can be really funny at times. i can be sexy. i can be freaky. i can be intellegent. i can be inspiring. i can be lost at times (majority of the time----> gone to my own little word). but its all purdy much me. my journey in finding myself.

im happy not being the loud mouth bitch that everyone hates
im happy not being the do what i say follower that longs to belong
im happy not being the complete lame thats totally boring
im happy not being the overly outspoken chick.
i love the meekness in me,
i love the refrain from tempting situations
i love the mystery....sometimes.

but what i am is someone who hasn't learned to be herself outside of her comfort zone. so lost in her own mind that she can't function in real world time.
im pretty much a loner. and i like it that way
unless i like [[enjoy]] your company.
if your an attention-seeker, a cornball, a bully, a follower, or a negative person...more than likely i will distant myself from you.
id would rather chill by my lonesome.
i dont like to be bored, hear you talk about other people all day or force myself to laugh at your every comment just to feed your ego.
im pretty much not a people's person unless your 100% real.

im pretty much someone with a thick wall
and a horrible way of expressing her feelings
sometimes i suffer from being tactless...
sometimes i get so lost in my brain
that by the end of the day i don't know what i want, how i feel, or what i think
i can never express how i feel the right way. so say what i mean. i hate that.

and that pretty much sux.
but i guess it gets better with age.
but for now i guess i'll stay the wise ole taciturn that i am.

any advo???

1 comment:

  1. ii like thiiis, alot.
    ii think you're in the right direction, by being able to identify that you haven't quite found yourself. I guess the next step is to just seperate from whats keeping you from finding yourself, & do you for a while.
    I can relate in more ways than you know.